By going on a big event night (the club’s biggest Christmas party of the year), we figured there’d be at least a few other couples who weren’t covering up grays yet, and luckily we were correct. Sure, the majority of the guests were in their 30s-50s, but it wasn’t *just* people who saw the invention of the f*cking telegraph there. With a firm dress code, the population obviously put effort into their appearances. The only difference? As opposed to a normal bar or public event, everyone actually tried their best to look good. Like in almost any other situation, the sex club offered a wide variety of people of varying attractiveness. Reality: We Had NOTHING To Worry AboutĪs a couple of twentysomethings in a state where the average age of residents is 42, we could have walked in wearing bags over our heads and still been one of the hottest couples in the room. My thoughts? Me (a solid 6-8 depending on the day) and my husband (a 10 where it counts) will either be the stars of the freaking show or the stubby outcasts. We could walk in and it be all things nose hairs and liver spots, or it could be firm asses and strong abs. Second of all, hot, young people are probably too busy being hot and young to spend an ungodly amount of money to watch strangers have sex on a Saturday night.Īfter reading reviews of not only the club we’re going to, but every other club in America and a few in Europe, the results are: You have no idea what you’re going to get into (or what’s going to be getting into you, if you know what I mean.). Unfortunately, I don’t think that’s what we’ll be walking into. When I picture my ideal sex club, it involves a lot of people who are between the ages of, say, 22-37 and of the same general attractiveness as I am. The answer is always no | post shared by U Up? Podcast on at 5:56pm PST Expectation: I Will Either Be The Most Or The Least Attractive One There The only thing that makes it more uncomfortable is pretending it’s NBD watching real, live strangers hump in front of you for the first time. Instead of pretending it’s not bizzare, embrace the bizarre. The thing to remember is that it’s strange for everyone the first time (at least, I’m assuming?). There’s no denying it-this was way out of my comfort zone. Being set free post-tour to go to the bar and start flirting with strangers? Very, VERY weird. Walking into the club and signing waivers and getting a tour of the nearly-empty facility? Very weird. Either way, it’s going to be awkward, but you have the option to make it fun or weird. There are two ways to approach this situation: embarrassed awkward or excited awkward. What do I do with my purse? I probably can’t wear Spanx, right? Will people be naked off the bat? Do we start making out on the dancefloor then go to a room or what? I have absolutely no idea how any of it works, and as someone who studies a restaurant menu for DAYS before actually going to said restaurant, the vast amount of unknowns is the scariest part of all. Expectation: It Will Be Painfully Awkward Walking Inįrom ordering the Uber (and most likely dropping the pin a block away so the driver doesn’t know where we’re actually going) to entering the club, the sheer thought of the nerves I’ll feel entering is already making my palms clammy. So, as a not-so-adventurous woman who recently lost her sex club v-card, I’m here to walk you through the ins and outs of my first time, and how you and your expectations might just be shook. We had no idea what we were getting into, but f*ck it, we were going. Well, not that kind of sushi, anyway (sorry, mom). Why did I go, then? The same reason anyone would: My husband and I were drunk, bored, and didn’t feel like going out for sushi again. I can’t handle confrontation, comparisons, or situations where my self-confidence will be tested in the slightest. And the most interesting kink of all was the sex club.Īs someone who is jealous 98% of the time, it made zero sense for me to hit up one of these places. Whether it was watching parts of Eyes Wide Shut when my mom thought I was asleep, or devouring every piece of Fifty Shades like the basic betch I am, something about kinky sex has always fascinated me. For the past, say, decade of my life, the idea of sex clubs has tantalized my brain.
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